The kingdom had already been shaken by an attempted coup. Lives were lost. Women were assaulted. A king was shamed. Yet, the lesson was not learned. For David, the greatest king of Israel, whose son Absalom was killed in battle after his false attempt to take the throne, had to once again deal with another son’s treacherous revolt.
1 Kings 1:5-6
Now Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, put himself forward and said, “I will be king.” So he got chariots and horses ready, with fifty men to run ahead of him. (His father had never rebuked him by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?” He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom.)
The question never asked was “why”. Why are you behaving this way? This would have helped uncover motivation. It may have changed the man’s heart. However, David did not directly challenge his son. This is the exact pattern we see with Adonijah’s older brother Absalom.
2 Samuel 15:1-4
In the course of time, Absalom provided himself with a chariot and horses and with fifty men to run ahead of him. He would get up early and stand by the side of the road leading to the city gate. Whenever anyone came with a complaint to be placed before the king for a decision, Absalom would call out to him, “What town are you from?” He would answer, “Your servant is from one of the tribes of Israel.” Then Absalom would say to him, “Look, your claims are valid and proper, but there is no representative of the king to hear you.” And Absalom would add, “If only I were appointed judge in the land! Then everyone who has a complaint or case could come to me and I would see that they receive justice.”
Absalom was publicly setting himself up as the leader of the land, but David never confronted his actions. This took place for over four years until Absalom declared himself as king and ran David and his officers out of Jerusalem.
2 Samuel 15:13-14
A messenger came and told David, “The hearts of the people of Israel are with Absalom.” Then David said to all his officials who were with him in Jerusalem, “Come! We must flee, or none of us will escape from Absalom. We must leave immediately, or he will move quickly to overtake us and bring ruin on us and put the city to the sword.”
David knew that Absalom’s heart would be for murder. He knew what Absalom was capable of, yet had chosen not to confront him sooner. Over the course of time, Absalom manipulated the peoples’ hearts away from David and onto himself. The tragic ending was that Absalom was killed in battle against his father’s troops.
Adonijah followed in his brother Absalom’s footsteps. Sadly, David followed his previous pattern of parenthood: there was no confrontation until the crisis of the attempted coup takes place. It could have cost more lives in the kingdom. This time David acted by setting Solomon on the throne. Adonijah was spared for the time being. But not long after, Adonijah did die after David’s death as he once again attempted to gain rights to the throne. King Solomon had him killed for his treachery.
Let’s return to the unasked question:
1 Kings 1:6
His father had never rebuked him by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?”
What outcomes could have changed if David has asked Adonijah this question? What lives may have been spared including his own son’s life? What changes may have been made? What destiny could Adonijah have fulfilled even though he was not called to be king? How many others were hurt along the way?
We will never know the answers to these questions. However, we can look into our lives and those we know and ask the question of why we behave as we do. Maybe for ourselves, it can reveal hidden motivations, secret sins, unresolved trauma, ignored pain, or other depths of our soul. This opens the door for healing and change. It can set us up on a better path and help us with future decisions and relationship dynamics.
Resolving our own issues, may not be as difficult as confronting those around us. Too often we see the problem, but do not say anything to the person. We may gossip about it with others and even analyze the dynamic amongst the group, but never directly address the person who is doing the damage.
Years ago, when I served as a children’s minister, a family in the ministry had children who were labeled “out of control”. They were discussed by Bible study teachers to staff. A certain member made fun of this family (which was ironic for their children were discussed as well as “out of control” by others. So easy to look at others and miss ourselves). The “ministers” gave their opinions as to why the family acted in such and such way. Being newer on staff I simply asked, “Has anyone ever talked to the parents?” Silence was quickly followed by excuses. It was easy to talk about the problem, but not actually take the initiative to confront the situation in order to give this family an opportunity for change.
I did talk to the mother. She listened and appreciated the conversation, though sadly, changes were not made. Years later, I spoke to the mother again for she called me in crisis with her teenager. I think the trust was there from the previous, difficult but honest, conversation. I shared the same things I had spoken years earlier. I do not know if changes were made. I do not know if the outcome is different.
Maybe Adonijah would not have changed even if questioned by David. But he was never given the opportunity. Often, we excuse ourselves out of the conversation instead of pressing into the difficult confrontation. If we see blatant sin in the lives of others, we are not called to just watch them, gossip about them, or give our opinions as to why they are acting in that way. Instead, what is seen needs to be addressed. They can choose change or not. We are called to do our part in addressing what is wrong and encouraging what is right. Just maybe a life can be completely changed, fully restored, amazingly transformed. But we will never know until we ask the question:
1 Kings 1:6b
… “Why do you behave as you do?”