by Shannon Tillman | Jun 26, 2023 | Theology
My grandmother and I were sitting in a doctor’s office when I saw Jesus. I did not actually witness Jesus dressed in a white robe and wearing some cool sandals, although I did see a lady wearing rope sandals which I could not imagine how they could be comfortable. No, the “Jesus” I saw was a woman wearing non-flattering scrubs with tennis shoes. But she did remind me of Jesus.
It all began when an elderly lady was wheeled from a nursing home van into the lobby. She looked to be well over a hundred, wearing her Mumu and sporting comfortable slippers (I wish I knew the woman’s age. I would like to find out when I can wear slippers out of the house and no one thinks it is out of place.) She was brought in and set in a space that would accommodate her wheelchair. She just sat with her eyes closed, not making a sound. The worker from the nursing home went to sign her in and complete paper work. Upon finishing the tasks, the nursing home attendant went and sat by the elderly lady in the wheelchair. The worker gently put her hand on the woman’s arm. The woman in the wheelchair blinded by age, smiled and said, “I did not know anyone was with me.” She seemed so appreciative to have someone nearby and asked, “Who are you?” The worker in the scrubs and tennis shoes simply answered, “It’s me, Sam.” The elderly adult smiled and responded, “Oh, Sam.” And then she began to chat happily with the attendant she obviously knew well.
Tears came to my eyes at the tender exchange. My mind flooded to times in my life when I felt alone, physically unwell, confused, disoriented. But suddenly my heart would feel a gentle touch followed by inaudible words, “It’s me, Jesus.” As I am reminded by His presence I can smile and share my heart, my burdens with Him for I am not alone. No, I cannot actually see Him, but just like the woman in the wheelchair, to know someone who cares for you is with you, it makes the difficult circumstances easier to bear.
He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I forsake you…
Hebrews 13:5b
I have heard this verse so often that I forget the wonder of it all. The Lord God Himself is with me. He encourages, strengthens, comforts, rejoices, mourns with me. I am not alone. This verse is quoted without context so often that we may forget the purpose of why it was shared with us. Jesus wants us to know that He is always with us so
…that we confidently say, “The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?
Hebrews 13:6
A woman in a wheelchair had confidence in facing the doctor because Sam was with her. We have confidence to face any situation, whatever it may be, for the Lord who will not forsake us, will also help us. His presence and His power are constant variables in our lives.
As I sat there in the doctors’ office, facing some new circumstances in regards to my grandparent’s health, Jesus gave me a vivid picture of His encouraging presence as I navigate through this difficult time. “It’s Jesus. I am with you. I will not leave you. I will help you.” He is my confidence and He let a sweet nurse attendant remind me of this in a vivid way.
by Shannon Tillman | Jun 12, 2023 | Thoughts
I finally could not take it anymore. My fatigue issues just lasted too long. It has been since childhood, something hereditary, cursed genes from my maternal side. Poor thing, she alone can relate to the struggle. Usually after my mom and I discuss our frustrations with this unresolved medical issue, we both just want to take a nap! After years of dealing with being tired, I took matters into my own hands.
The decision was perfectly understandable (at least in my not so humble opinion). The doctor said there was no more she could do; she had tried everything she could. Not only that, I have friends in my sphere who live like jack rabbits on heroine which adds to my frustrations because they make me tired just talking to them, much less trying to keep their pace. My life may be taking a new direction which will involve energy, a lot of energy, too much energy. I wish I could take a nap right now since I am worn out from thinking about it. So, I did the only logical course considering my situation: I drank caffeine.
Side note here: I am allergic to caffeine. That’s right, you coffee-addicts, I can’t even stand to be within blocks of a Starbucks for the smell itself makes me nauseated. I could never do that cool thing of hanging at a coffee house listening to music for it would make me sick, literally, and my quaint flavored water just did not help me stay awake.
Out of desperation, I put the water down and tried something new. I was tired of being tired. I prayed for healing. I sought medical help. I read articles. I tried some strange herbs and other alternative methods. (Some of them were weird, weird, weird. Did I mention weird?) Nothing worked. So, I decided to try what 99.9% of other Americans do to give themselves a “pick-me up”. I turned to caffeine.
I wanted to make the caffeine leap with baby steps so I did not drink coffee. It was an all–natural tea, seemingly nothing to worry about. That is until about twenty minutes after consumption. My head began throbbing. My arms began shaking. My stomach did flip-flops. I went into all-out food poisoning and spent hours regretting that one small glass of caffeinated tea. (If the tea is so natural, then why is my body acting so unnaturally?)
As the food poisoning took its course, the bathroom became my habitat. I was miserable. I was not only in bad condition physically but emotionally as well. I just wanted to feel normal. I desired to have one day to not be overwhelmed to finish tasks, to get work done without a needed nap, to start and finish a whole project, to… You get the picture. Instead, I was hanging in my bathroom.
While bonding with the porcelain throne, God spoke to me. I am amazed He speaks but much less when I am in the bathroom. I guess He knew He had my undivided attention at that moment. I felt Him say, “Why don’t you just accept your limitations?” Tears came to my eyes, while a verse flooded my heart:
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
(2 Corinthians 12:9b)
Then, I began to speak to myself in third person. Why? I have no idea, but sometimes it helps me process. Plus, who else can you process with when you are in the bathroom? Shannon, why don’t you just accept your fatigue? Why are you trying to fix it? God has allowed that into your life. He ordained it for you. Maybe, like Paul, the weakness is for your good:
To keep me from becoming conceited…there was given me a thorn in my flesh a messenger of Satan, to torment me.
(2 Corinthians 12:7a, c)
Could it be that the weakness, the one thing I hate, the one part of me physically that has plagued me from childhood, which has seemed to limit me so much in terms of “accomplishments”, may be the one thing that has saved me? Is it possible that fatigue protected me from the worse part of myself? What if it were not given to me? What if I had been a jackrabbit on heroine myself? Would my energized to-do lists actually only have served to drive me away from God instead of to Him? Paul understood that the weakness left, the weakness not removed, actually enabled him to gain, not lose, life.
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest in me. That is why, for Christi’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
(2 Corinthians 12:9b-10)
In the bathroom, I realized my fatigue was not an issue in need of a remedy but a place to find grace. That grace mixes with my weakness and produces the power of God at work in and through me. I had tried to settle with so much less with my caffeinated tea mix (which tasted horribly, by the way). In my desire for a solution, I had missed the grace.
Weaknesses can come in multiple ways: physically, emotionally, intellectually, relationally, or circumstantially. What is that part of your life you wish you could change? How have you been attempting to “fix” it? Could it be that God is saying, “Why don’t you just accept your limitations?” He wants to extend grace, right there, to that weakness. We may never know how that weakness possibly saved us. However, we can know His power in that place. For with Him, our weakness becomes the place of grace. Caffeine cannot make that kind of promise! And neither can any of your “so-called” solutions. Accept the weakness. Accept the grace, even if it is found in the bathroom!
by Shannon Tillman | May 15, 2023 | Theology
I think sometimes when we are around the extraordinary we consider it ordinary. I had some people tell me recently about how their dog can open the gate to go out to the beach. I was amazed and exclaimed, “She taught herself that. It’s amazing!”
The owner’s response, “It took her some time to figure it out.” So it would only be mind boggling for him if the dog also spoke to him while she let herself out? “Hey, Master, I am heading to the beach. There is a guy dog next door I want to meet. Wish me luck! By the way, could you add real bacon to dinner tonight? I’m tired of that fake stuff that you think you are tricking me with.”
It reminds me of a mom I know whose first-born is a genius. However, she did not know that his IQ was off the charts. She assumed every child was reading books by the age of three. The mom did not know he was already on an elementary-school grade level; she thought this is what all three years olds do. Then, her second child was born. Her daughter could not read by the age of three and in fact did not want to sit long enough to have a story read to her. The mom took her second-born to the doctor, thinking something was wrong. The doctor figured out the problem and let the mom know her daughter was intelligent but should not be compared to a genius. The mom was so used to extraordinary she thought it was ordinary.
(Isn’t strange that I used a dog and a genius to make an illustration? Who would have put those two together? I wonder who is more offended the genius or the dog?)
The point is: I believe we have become too familiar with the extraordinary that we pass it off as ordinary. I was reminded of this the other day as I listened to a message by Brandy McCombs, a friend from back in the day…long time ago…in a land far, far, away…I could keep going but I won’t. Anyway, she shared of how the Bible is the Word of God, not just a book, but the living, breathing Word of God. The same God who said “Let there be light” and there was also wrote the Bible we so casually lay on our nightstand. She also pointed out how only 7% of the world’s population has the entire Bible written in their language. Although we are part of that small percentile, we see it as ordinary and not the extraordinary gift that it is.
Her message took me back to a Bible study I participated in years ago. The leader set his hand on the Bible and moved it up and down as if the Bible was breathing. He said something like, “The Word is alive. Approach the Bible remembering that it is living and active today.” It is not words on a page. It is not ink and paper. It is a conversation with God, the Word speaking to you and to me, the breath of God exhaling into our souls.”
That truly is extraordinary.
