“Did the dentist hurt you when he drilled your tooth to remove the cavity?” “Yes.” “Did he harm you?” “No, he made me feel better.” “Hurt and harm are different,” I pointed out. “When you ate the sugar that gave you the cavity, did that hurt?” “No, it tasted good,” he said, with a smile that told me he was catching on. “Did it harm you?” “Yes.” “That’s my point. Things can hurt and not harm us. In fact they can even be good for us. And things that feel good can be very harmful to us.” – Dr. Henry Cloud
As human beings, we all desire to please self. We do the things that make us feel better, and we distance ourselves from the things that bring us discomfort. But, growth happens in pain. Growth happens in suffering. It hurts to workout, but that’s what makes the muscles strong. It’s a challenge to practice your skill every day, but that discipline is what brings results. Staying on a budget can be difficult, but that management will bring financial freedom.
The quote above points out that the things that make us feel good, can be very harmful. That’s not a hard point to prove, as we see it in so many areas of life. At it’s core that’s what sin is. I’ve heard old-school pastors say it this way, “if sin wasn’t fun nobody would be doing it.”. Sin is in essence doing what pleases us, and prioritizing that above everything else. At that point, our feeling, our emotion, and our desire are all that matters. They are in control. And, of course, that can bring consequences.
Conversely, the quote also shows that things that hurt aren’t necessarily harmful, but can actually be healing. Maybe it’s a relationship that needs to end. It’s a toxic situation. Breaking off that relationship and setting up boundaries hurts, it’s no fun. But, it brings a new level of healing. Possibly it’s time management. Saying “no” to hours of social media scrolling, or TV binging, or any other time waste, can be difficult. But, now there is time that can be replaced.
This doesn’t mean that everything that is fun is bad, and everything that is boring is good. Contrarily, God has given us a deep desire for purpose. At our deepest core we want to make a difference. We want to have meaning to our lives. When we find our thing and start following God’s plan we find new levels of contentment. Our boredom is no longer filled with bad habits and idols. Our time is now valuable and spent on our calling.
So, here’s the practical application … Start today with a simple self question, “what things in my life that are pleasing me, are actually harming me?”. Make a list, then pick the “one thing” that if changed would make the biggest difference. You can work through other things later, just start with one for now. Maybe that one feels like too big of a challenge at this point. OK, start with something else, even something small. Learn the process of denying self. It’s a learned skill. Next, ask, “what things am I not doing in life that if I did would make a major difference?”. Make a list, then pick one.
Life is all about choices. You have the same amount of time you’ve always had, and the same amount you always will have. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you will get the same results you’ve always got. By saying “no” in one area of life, you can now say “yes” in another area of life. This might hurt for a while, but in the end it’s a choice that brings healing!