I was terrified when I stood in front of the crowd. It was my first speaking engagement as a volunteer with Voice of the Martyrs, an organization that supports the persecuted church around the world. The subject matter was not only heavy, but the crowd made me extremely nervous. I was staring at over two hundred second graders! Children will let you know if they like your teaching or not. My microphone was shaking violently in my hand. My palms started having a strange itching sensation. How did I get here?
It began months earlier when I read a Voice of the Martyrs magazine. There was a call for volunteers to speak at different places to raise awareness of the persecuted church. The western church is often oblivious to the plights of our brothers and sisters in Christ around the world. More people have died for their faith in the last one hundred years than all of the last two thousand years combined! Immediately, I knew God wanted me to volunteer. Every part of my soul cried out “no”. The thought of speaking in front of others, especially on such a painful subject, seemed impossible. Yet, how could I say “no” when my brothers and sisters in Christ were willing to obey God even if the decision cost them pain, imprisonment, torture, and even death. I gave a reluctant “yes” and submitted my paper work and went through the training.
I think of this testimony as I read about the women who went to the tomb after the death of Jesus. They, too, had to obey even while afraid. After the nightmare of seeing Jesus crucified a few days before, they sorrowfully went to the tomb after the Sabbath. When they arrived, they found the stone had been rolled away from the grave. An angel told them what had happened.
Matthew 28:5-8
The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.”So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples.
They were afraid, yet they obeyed the angel’s directions to go to the disciples and tell them the glorious news. Obedience is not always done with confidence. Obedience can be done afraid. We must not believe the lie that we should “feel like” it before obeying. When we receive a directive from the Lord, we must do as we are told. Our emotions should not dictate or delay our actions.
The women were afraid in their obedience, but also filled with joy. Their fear was mixed with excitement of the news. God sent an angel to talk to them and tell them about the resurrection of Jesus! The Lord so desired for them to know what had happened with Jesus and to know what to do next, that He sent a heavenly messenger to earth to intersect with their lives.
By the way, we have more than what the women did. The women had an angel give them the news. Now, we have the Holy Spirit of the living God dwelling within us! When He gives us direction, even when it seems difficult or frightening, we can have the joy of knowing that God is leading us, God is with us, and God will help us in whatever He calls us to do. Even in the fear, there is the joy of obedience and the joy of His presence. When we obey, even if we are afraid, we receive a greater revelation of Jesus.
Matthew 28:9
Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him.
Jesus showed up on the path the women were taking. The women saw the resurrected Lord! If the women had disobeyed and gone in a different direction, they would have missed meeting with Jesus. Obedience leads to encountering Jesus in new and unexpected ways.
Matthew 28:10a
Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid…
The women were still afraid. Even in obedience, even in worship, we can still be afraid in the midst of our circumstances. Jesus gently repeated the words that the angel had spoken to them earlier, “Do not be afraid”. However, this time Jesus changed the words of the angel. The angel had told the women:
Matthew 28:7a
Then go quickly and tell his DISCIPLES: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ (emphasis mine)
But Jesus said:
Matthew 28:10b
“Go and tell my BROTHERS to go to Galilee; there they will see me.” (emphasis mine)
Jesus called them brothers, not disciples. A disciple is a student, a pupil, a learner. However, a brother is family. Jesus changed the definition of their relationship. Our obedience leads to a deepening of our understanding of the loving connection we have with Jesus.
Jesus affirmed the promise that they would see Him in Galilee. Once the women shared the news, the disciples had the choice whether they would obey even while afraid.
Matthew 28:16-17a
Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him…
Thankfully, the disciples, the ones Jesus called brothers, obeyed and went to Galilee. Jesus showed up just as He promised. When we obey, Jesus shows up for us as well.
Jesus showed up for me in front of a crowd of children. I began my presentation, one mixed with cultural games, missionary awareness, and explanations of the persecuted church on a level they could grasp. The week went wonderfully, even though I must admit that I almost threw up every day before speaking. The camp asked me back each year until I finally had to step away from volunteering with Voice of the Martyrs due to other commitments. I was broken-hearted to leave. What started as a shaky “yes” because I was so afraid, ended with a glorious testimony of God transforming a fear-filled gal to one who loved speaking in front of crowds of all sizes and ages. Obedience, even when afraid, leads us into our destiny. I encourage today, obey, even if you must obey afraid.